Saturday, June 15, 2013

I have been frozen with fear.
I don’t mean in the convenient, pretty little metaphor.
I have actually experienced the paralyzing effects of the irrational (Oh it is irrational) fear of panic attacks.
There’s no rhyme or reason. It just comes on with a sudden rush of adrenalin, starting at the top of my head and flashing down into my fingertips and toes. It’s painful too, like millions of hot and cold pinpricks jabbing into every nerve of my body. This is a crippling thing as well. Walking across the room becomes a chore as my body would rather curl up into a ball and let my mind have ultimate rule.
I never believed in mind over matter until this happened to me. I found out quick how powerful and ruthless my mind can be.
But I believe what doesn’t kill you, (and believe me folks, it makes you think it will kill you) makes you stronger. I also believe God allows things to happen for a reason and a lot has happened to me. Now I am one tough cookie.
I’ve been panic free for a while now. Upon recent reflection I recalled an earlier form of panic I experienced in my teens. It would hit, not with fear but a sense of unreality. I had to keep telling myself I was awake and this was REALLY happening. Funny how it started off like that and grew larger with my age.

Hmmm, I feel a story coming on. Can’t wait to meet this new character!